The Start of This Blog

I'm back to being unemployed but this time, it's by choice- I'm back in school.  Once upon a time ago, June 26, 2008 to be exact, I had finished my temp job and was gainfully unemployed, drinking like A&E's investor relations depended on my vodka consumption and sitting around in my underwear, job hunting on the internet.  This is an email I sent to my friends one sad afternoon in reply to one of my gays wanting to go to some art event that Amy Sedaris would be hosting.  FYI, I did end up going and yes, I did drink the free alcohol.  

**********************************************************************************

Subject: Re: Fw: RE: RSVP

From: The Asian Sensation

To: My Gays
Cc:
Date: Thursday, June 26, 2008, 9:29 AM

first of all, my uterus hurts.  no seriously, i can feel it.  i think my whole body is aborting my uterus because it just knows that i should never be a mother because i'm a drunk.  i want to die.  everything hurts.


secondly, i think i'm going to start a blog and all because of the singular event i am going to tell you about.  yesterday, before i began drinking with dr. lopez at 1pm, i decided i should probably shower.  before i could hop in, the doorbell rang so i went downstairs to get it. it was some guy with a canned speech trying to get me to donate to obama.  i told him i was unemployed and didn't have any money but i could donate my time so i signed up to call people...or something like that.  whatever.  he seemed to be a bit flustered at times but i didn't think much of it because hey, some guys really dig greasy hair.   i ran back up the stairs and back to the bathroom to continue my attempt to shower.  i went to take off my pajama pants when i realized I HAD ALREADY TAKEN THEM OFF.   i spoke to a stranger for approximately 7 minutes in my orange underwear with yellow shooting stars going across them. 


you see friends, unemployment has stopped being temporary and has officially become a lifestyle.  i am so used to walking around by myself half naked with E! entertainment television in the background and eating leftovers straight from tupperware containers that i have become a barbarian.  the feeling of being half naked is now so ingrained in me that the wind grazing my half covered ass didn't make me think to look down to check if i was wearing pants. 


no seriously, what do i do when my uterus falls out?  is it like a finger?  do i put it on ice and then take it to the hospital and they can sew it back in me?  and which of you queens is going to marry me stat because my unemployment clearly renders me sans insurance and i think this is going to be expensive.


i cannot drink again tonight.  even if it's free.  when a korean declines free booze, you know it's serious.  

**********************************************************************************

Incidentally, there are multiple pictures of me doing various strange/exhibitionist/unsexy things in the aforementioned pair of underwear on the interwebs.  See Exhibits A, B and C.  Yes, Exhibit C is a staged picture of James, grabbing my underwear beneath my dress.