There Is Always a Bright Side...

Caller: You know what is going to come in the mail with my divorce papers?  Honora pearls!
QVC Host: Well Molly, you know what increases credibility in the courtroom?  A nice strand of pearls!

QVC, getting bitches decent alimony on the daily.

I Still Win

Last Night, 12:08 am.  Phone rings.

Hot Amazonian Brunette Friend:  Girl!  Went on that date and nothing!  I totally thought he'd make a move but I'm sitting here with my dick in my hands.  We had dinner and he paid.  He told me how beautiful I am.  I go back to his place and we are both a kinda drunk and nothing!  He sent me home with a brick of cheese.  I shaved my ass for nothing!

me:  Um, I still win this game of who is more pathetic.  I'm sitting here reading Heidi Montag's mother's blog.

HAB:  Yeah...you win.

me:  And add insult to injury, you got a free brick of cheese.  Fuck you.  I'm going back to reading Heidi Montag's mom's blog.

She Does Live With Me So She Would Know...

From: Skank Roommate
Date: Mon, Oct 25, 2010 at 2:54 PM
Subject: Re: malibu!
To: The Asian Sensation

Your bush probably smells like Chinatown during a heat wave.

You Know You Go To Ad School When...

hipster boy:  have you seen the new gap logo?

hipster girl:  no.  they changed their logo?

hb:  yeah, i like the original better.

hg:  did they change the font?

hb:  yeah, you know how it was a serif font before?  well now, it's helvetica.  OF COURSE!

hg:  of course it is!  i'm so over that type

toto, i've a feeling we're not in kansas anymore.