Have I ever told you about the time a random gay man crawled into my bed and slept next to me? The thing is, the explanation doesn't make the story make more sense so here is the email my tall gay roommate sent me while the random gay dude was cuddling me with his flaccid dick resting on my leg:
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from: TGR
to: The Asian Sensation
date Sun, Oct 5, 2008 at 6:51 AM
subject: Umm
I'm sorry that it is 6:49 am and I cannot get the naked man who is sleeping in your bed to GET UP AND GET OUT OF YOUR BED. I'm sorry that you have to put up with this and I really do not know how to rectify this situation. So I'm apologizing now before the morning because I'm pretty exasperated and unsure of how to proceed. I'm mean... how do I get the naked, belligerent man out of your bed? I DON'T KNOW??? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE?!!!!?????
I love you. Thank you for your humor and your patience.
Love TGR.
Sorry.
Sorry again.
Yikes.
Oh brother.
-TGR
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No, for realzies, THIS SHIT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Bag of Hair
Hello 2010!
And fuck you.
So I decided to start blogging and when I entered blogger.com, I saw I already had started one! Apparently, I've not had much to say in 2 years.
So on to 2010. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY YEAR. It really was. I felt the internal tides of change and all that jazz. And then the shit hit the proverbial fan...in every which way. But alas, it must get better, right? RIGHT?!?!?
But one thing I realized fully is that I have no creative outlet and I have shit to say...maybe to no one but myself but I'm still going to say it- and LOUDLY. That is my style.
My friend has this saying, "bag of hair." Bag of hair is a metaphor for your internal shit...the hidden stuff you need to sort out. This is because Jill is a white girl from the South side with a weave. What? Don't hate, girl's got thin hair! I have a fat stomach, she gotz a weave, i gotz my spanx! So when she comes over to our house to get ready, she literally has a bag of hair. One day, she as like, "Uh...the only weird thing about like, staying at a guy's place or hooking up with him is like, asking, 'do you have a plastic baggie....you know...for my hair?'" Personally, I think if the only shit you have hiding is a bag of hair, you are nearly perfectly sane. I don't even know what my bag of hair is but I'm going to get closer to finding it in 2010!
Happy new years, skanks. And honestly, if you've been having a good one, a little fuck you because I'm jealous and admittedly petty.
And fuck you.
So I decided to start blogging and when I entered blogger.com, I saw I already had started one! Apparently, I've not had much to say in 2 years.
So on to 2010. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY YEAR. It really was. I felt the internal tides of change and all that jazz. And then the shit hit the proverbial fan...in every which way. But alas, it must get better, right? RIGHT?!?!?
But one thing I realized fully is that I have no creative outlet and I have shit to say...maybe to no one but myself but I'm still going to say it- and LOUDLY. That is my style.
My friend has this saying, "bag of hair." Bag of hair is a metaphor for your internal shit...the hidden stuff you need to sort out. This is because Jill is a white girl from the South side with a weave. What? Don't hate, girl's got thin hair! I have a fat stomach, she gotz a weave, i gotz my spanx! So when she comes over to our house to get ready, she literally has a bag of hair. One day, she as like, "Uh...the only weird thing about like, staying at a guy's place or hooking up with him is like, asking, 'do you have a plastic baggie....you know...for my hair?'" Personally, I think if the only shit you have hiding is a bag of hair, you are nearly perfectly sane. I don't even know what my bag of hair is but I'm going to get closer to finding it in 2010!
Happy new years, skanks. And honestly, if you've been having a good one, a little fuck you because I'm jealous and admittedly petty.
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