Dear Charlie,

welcome to the world, pumpkin pie!  your neurotic mother and that bald guy that knocked her up have waited a long time for you.  i would like to state here and now that i called it.  at your uncle matt's birthday, your mama drank a virgin minty drink from the bar instead of ordering it from the waiter.  as a woman of the world, you have to read into things.  let nothing slip by your hawk-like senses and you will save yourself money, heart ache and never miss a sample sale.  these are wise words.  let them sink in. 

it's amazing what a little sponge you are.  everything around you has the capacity to be your first.  your first asian (me!), your first curse word (you done already heard the f  bomb many times but when you start to understand stuff, i reckon we'll reel that in a bit), your first christmas, your first fall leaf, your first puppy kiss (your big brother frankie has give you many of those).  The thing about firsts is that they are lasting; they shape you and what a beautiful thing that you are thus far, unshaped.  you have a choice in everything you do and everything that happens so chose to let what life gives you shape you for the better.  you have the potential to be anything and anyone so pick something good.  pick something big and bright.  go for the extremes.  no one in the middle was ever most liked, best dressed or smartest.  wear the longest dress or the shortest one (you can borrow something from me).  Have a pixie cut or a fro!  the only thing good in moderation is food which if you inherited the surrut gene, you shouldn't have any problems.  and on the subject of that, you are beautiful.  now, i'm not the kind of lady to blow smoke up people's bums but you are gorgeous and you'll grow up to be the kind of woman i do not want to stand next to in pictures.  Don't let anyone let you feel differently and don't ever change to feel more beautiful (except hair color, that is acceptable).  No man (or woman!) ever fell in love with a rib bone.  Truth.

I don't know much but i've learned a few things and here are a few bits of advice...skip the belly shirt wearing phase in toward the end of jr. high.  it's tacky and it's been done.  it will also drive baldy insane and he's really quite a nice man so let him be.  when you are going to secretly "borrow" your mother's new dress or vintage one, take the new one.  when you spill over the vintage one, you'll realize just how irreplaceable it is and your mother will flip.  also, your instinct is always right.  always.  no matter what i say, this is a lesson you will teach yourself eventually.  i'm only writing it here because i want to say, "i told you so."  also, it's perfectly satisfactory and okay to say "i told you so" except when your friend is heartbroken because of an asshole bastard you sniffed out a long time ago.  keep that to yourself; the satisfaction isn't worth it.  when you need to dress for a special occasion, seek fashion advice from only your mother and homosexual men.  Straight women will let you leave the house looking atrocious so they can look better.  women are cruel; gays are honest.

my last bit of advice in this letter for you is be kind.  you come from two people who are charming and successful but above all that, they are kind.  you will be beautiful, darling, and you know what women hate?  beautiful women.  but you know what women want to hate but can't hate?  beautiful, kind women.  be a woman that begets envy but is also always rooted for.  beauty fades, money comes and goes with the wind but kindness comes around to those who deserve it so be the sort of person that deserves it.  cattiness is fun and harmless in moderation but always be nice to the band dork who's in love with you and the lovable kid with acne problems because she'll grow up to be uber rich (she'll invest in your company later or at the very least bail you out of jail).   and when you see people being mean to others who don't deserve it, stick up for them because there is only one trait better than kindness which is courage.  charlie alex surrat hernandez, you are and will always be beautiful, kind and courageous and you will always always always be loved.  

all of my love,

xoxo