There Is Always a Bright Side...

Caller: You know what is going to come in the mail with my divorce papers?  Honora pearls!
QVC Host: Well Molly, you know what increases credibility in the courtroom?  A nice strand of pearls!

QVC, getting bitches decent alimony on the daily.

I Still Win

Last Night, 12:08 am.  Phone rings.

Hot Amazonian Brunette Friend:  Girl!  Went on that date and nothing!  I totally thought he'd make a move but I'm sitting here with my dick in my hands.  We had dinner and he paid.  He told me how beautiful I am.  I go back to his place and we are both a kinda drunk and nothing!  He sent me home with a brick of cheese.  I shaved my ass for nothing!

me:  Um, I still win this game of who is more pathetic.  I'm sitting here reading Heidi Montag's mother's blog.

HAB:  Yeah...you win.

me:  And add insult to injury, you got a free brick of cheese.  Fuck you.  I'm going back to reading Heidi Montag's mom's blog.

She Does Live With Me So She Would Know...

From: Skank Roommate
Date: Mon, Oct 25, 2010 at 2:54 PM
Subject: Re: malibu!
To: The Asian Sensation

Your bush probably smells like Chinatown during a heat wave.

You Know You Go To Ad School When...

hipster boy:  have you seen the new gap logo?

hipster girl:  no.  they changed their logo?

hb:  yeah, i like the original better.

hg:  did they change the font?

hb:  yeah, you know how it was a serif font before?  well now, it's helvetica.  OF COURSE!

hg:  of course it is!  i'm so over that type

toto, i've a feeling we're not in kansas anymore.

Free Smells!

Whenever I walk by a Jimmy John's and see the neon "Free Smells" sign, I think about how I want to get that tattooed right on my crotch. 

But then I think about how if I ever wanted to rock the landing strip look, the tat would look real fucked up.  Such a conundrum.

Notes of Someone Crazy or Brilliant?

I was trying to find some notes today to prep for a meeting.  I opened my notebook and found this:

My favorite notes is, "I'm a very visual person- translation: I like porn."  

I know, with notes like this, it's amazing that I'm not the CEO of a company.

The Case is Deep

My father's oncologist is named Case Ketting.   He's a very lovely man.  He is kind, patient and has an excellent bedside manner.  He answers all my questions and always gets back to me in a timely manner...but when I speak to him, the thought in the back of my mind is always, "YOU HAVE THE BEST PORN STAR NAME EVER!"  I mean seriously...CASE KETTING!  This was my gchat:

me:  my dad's oncologist's name is case ketting

great porn star name

 Brent:  deep inside the Case

or Pack the Case Full

 me:  an open or shut case

on someone's case

a case against you

case in point

 Brent:  The Case is Deep

 me:  bingo!

you win

porn title, done.

 

Cancer totally sucks balls but life is funny.