Last Night, 12:08 am. Phone rings.
Hot Amazonian Brunette Friend: Girl! Went on that date and nothing! I totally thought he'd make a move but I'm sitting here with my dick in my hands. We had dinner and he paid. He told me how beautiful I am. I go back to his place and we are both a kinda drunk and nothing! He sent me home with a brick of cheese. I shaved my ass for nothing!
me: Um, I still win this game of who is more pathetic. I'm sitting here reading Heidi Montag's mother's blog.
HAB: Yeah...you win.
me: And add insult to injury, you got a free brick of cheese. Fuck you. I'm going back to reading Heidi Montag's mom's blog.
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